Oct 28, 2011
The Most Important Legacy...
Oct 4, 2011
The Wrestling in My Soul
At times the restlessness looks like disappointment, at times frustration, at times lack of confidence, lack of concentration because I get so distracted by what I think I should be pursueing, uncertainty of what God has planned for me. My greatest personal desire in life, aside from all the "motherly hopes and dreams" one has for her children, is to be obedient to Christ and to take ACTION for Him. I want my life to count for something, don't we all. Not for me, but for Christ. God created us all for individual purposes, I REALLY have an aching desire to fulfill the reasons He made me. Don't you?
Personally, I don't want to wake up and regret my life or feel the empty burden of feeling like I could've, should've, but didn't. You know when you life comes to that place where you can either step out, do what's hard, really hard, make the sacrifices, not knowing what the outcome will be, but being true to who you are, who God made you to be and gifted you as or you can just do what's normal, what you have always done, and dream and kind of pursue, but not really.
Not really give it your all because you are simply AFRAID.
Apr 24, 2011
Joy for Resurrection Day!
"He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering...
Surely He took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed...
By oppression and judgement he was taken away...
Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering...
and he will bear their iniquities...
because he poured out his life unto death and was numbered with transgressors.
For He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.
John 1:29
"Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world."
After he appeared to them he said,
"Peace be with you"
"Put your fingers here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."
"Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
John 20:26-29
Hosanna! He is Risen! Jesus is Alive!
Let us not just celebrate an Easter Holiday or Tradition...
Let us embrace Jesus and be spiritually moved and grow by being overwhelmed by who He is and what He has done for us. Let us be transformed by the renewing of our minds in Christ Jesus Today!
May He Bless You All through Eternity!
Dec 30, 2010
Living on a Mission
I've made them in the past and I am sure you've probably made them as well.
Two years ago I got on a mission about not making New Year's Resolution's but reflecting on my life and being honest. Truly honest... about my relationships, physical health, spiritual life, marriage, parenting, nutritional habits, financial goals. Some areas were more encouraging and exciting to evaluate than others of course, but so healthy to take time and reflect.
Since we were married, eleven years ago Isaac and I have enjoyed brainstorming sessions twice a year... maybe more... once on our anniversary and once around New Years. We have gone back and forth over the years with having a mission statement for our family/marriage and then goals & actions steps for accomplishing those goals in the different areas of life (marriage, spiritual, family, education, financial, business, etc...). It is stimulating for our marriage to be "building" something together and I can not tell you how helpful it for me mentally and being able to support my husband in his businesses and vision for our life and family. I feel like we are a team and I feel more "on mission or on purpose" with our ideas, dreams and goals laid out. Its a chance for us to share our hearts with each other and support one another in prayer. Its also so fun to look back on previous years goals and see God's faithfulness in our lives.
So this year I have been anticipating this time with Isaac. I recently came across this awesome help for accomplishing what we normally do, but in a more organized manner. (For any of you who know me well, you know how much I LOVE organizing things.) Ann Dunagan @ Harvest Ministry is offering a FREE 2011 New Year's Guide! Two things I really like the most... (1) The focus of being Mission-Minded (Great Commission) as you are evaluating your life... this is a different aspect I am personally excited to focus more on! (2) She has thought provoking questions and an evaluation chart to fill out as you reflect upon the previous year.

I am excited to hear what you New Year Goals are for 2011! Please share and leave me a comment!
Dec 1, 2010
Productive Play
Oct 10, 2010
Postpartum Helps & Living Real
Eggs & Avocado: High in Serotonin
Kelp/Seaweed/Dulce- Good for thyroid- very vulnerable postpartum
St. John Wart- Herb/Tincture
Sepia 30c- Homeopathy for Mood Swings(when your critical & snappy)
Natrum mur 30c-homeopathy for weepiness
Pulsatilla 30c- Homeopathy for women desiring sympathy and company
Platina 30c- Disappointed in everyone and seems aloof, also she feels like shes alone in the world, weepy
Cimicifuga 30c- Feels like she's in a black cloud
Anacardium 30c- Better while eating , but sad again soon after. Deep loss of confidence. easily angered and given to hatred. Failing memory.
For a guide on using Homeopathy... I would suggest:
"Homeopathy: An A to Z Home Handbook"
by Alan Schmukler
For a free copy online goggle him and go to first link.
After having five babies and never really experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety the way it is described, I used to think that it wasn't real and it was some woman's made up excuse for being mean, weepy, and full of worry ( along with a whole gamut of other emotions and challenges). I actually believed that if women were stronger with the Lord they could have self control over their thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc...
Well, after having Ethan I experienced the fears, the anxiety, the weepiness, the lack of control. Now that I am on the healing end of things, my heart has been convicted of how judgemental I was. I really never believed postpartum blues or depression was real. Now I have to admit that through out the time I was struggling I went in and out of being the Word of God. When I came home I was ill... trying to recover from my massive postpartum hemorrhage, which knocked me off my feet, I couldn't take care of my family or home. That depressed me. I couldn't stand hearing the boys arguing in the other room and being able to get up and help them. I really stressed out when the kids would get hurt, thinking if I was better that they wouldn't have gotten hurt. I felt like I was expecting too much from my older children because they were having to do sooo much more around the house, rather than just being kids. I didn't have thank fullness in my heart for the help God had provided in Keziah and Kirsten. Instead , needing their help made me feel less of a mom. All these thoughts contributed to me struggling with anxiety, stress, worry, and anger even.
I don't know where I would be today if I didn't have the Lord Jesus and the encouragement from my mom, and other christian mentors in my life reminding me this was just a season and that I was a good mom. I had such low self esteem and I allowed that to make me angry. I found myself apologizing all the time for my bad attitude, my whining, my crying, and yelling.
Wow, I am so glad we are out of that season! I am sure my husband & kids are as well.
What I learned from this?
That postpartum blues/ depression is real. That it is spiritual as well as hormonal and chemical. It is real and women who have it need other women in their life helping them. I pray for the moms I know that are having babies soon... pray for them for this tough season. I did enjoy Ethan tremendously, it was just overwhelming for a few weeks. Only the Lord and His Word can help you to see your own sin in a season like this.
Mark Hamby once said in one of his "Transforming Seminars" (by lamplighter), "I have seen a lot of people in pain and dying and they have a joyful attitude." Our true self can be revealed, our sin, selfishness, struggle with giving up control, what ever it is...
When I heard this is motivated me...
I realized I wasn't being the person I was meant to be in Christ. I needed Him to be my strength. I needed to give him the control. I needed Jesus to refresh the atmosphere of my home. I feel as though we are getting back on track, finally. Although not completely... home schooling is not in full force, but we will get there eventually. The Lord is teaching us all something through the process. Having people praying for me and being open and honest about my struggles allowed my brothers & sisters in Christ to be praying for me specifically. It was very humbling for me to show my weaknesses and be real. But that is what God wants from us. How else can the Body of Christ function the way it is meant to. We are supposed to carry each others burdens as well as lay them at the cross. How can the church do that when we are all putting on masks and pretending everything is okay? The reality is that even with Christ we still experience struggles in this life, we are not perfect because we are Christians! We are imperfect and fully aware of it, we are just able to receive God's grace and live in Joy & Freedom!
I hope if you are struggling with postpartum or have friends that are this gives you a little insight into what they might be dealing with. Let us lift one another up in prayer. We are all humans made by the same creator trying to live our best life here. Lets Love one another. We were created for love.
Sep 21, 2010
Labor of Love
"A Labor of Love"
Ethan's Birth Story
After weeks of feeling like a "ticking time bomb" the day finally arrived. As the Sunday morning bustle commenced, I focused inward, trying to "read" my body. Was this the big day? Kids showering, getting all cleaned up for church, packing bags and all the usual details of the morning, but with added pleasure of Gramma's company. As Sarah & Isaac held down the fort I went for a little walk out in the Vineyard & around the property. It was a beautiful day and I seemed to noticed more of God's beauty than usual. Even the weeds looked extra healthy...and I didn't mind; instead I marveled. As I walked I would stop every few minutes to "focus." I still wasn't positive if I was going into labor. After all I had been dilated for weeks and for the first time, I was overdue. I was certain the baby was going to be huge. My last two were in the high 9 pounds and they were early and on time. A natural fear entered into me for an instant, what if this baby is 11 pounds and posterior again? Then as I kept walking, a song entered my heart ("Deliverer" by Vicky Beeching), the fear subsided and I felt strong. I had a confidence the Lord would be my strength, even if I had none.
I called my midwife and talked to her as Isaac was loading the kids to go to church. At that point I wasn't have regular contractions, instead I was just feeling pressure, but it was coming and going in waves like contractions. Adele was on her way to church so she told me to text her with updates. Just ten minutes later I was texting her, "This is the Real Deal, meet you at birth center." As the kids were riding bikes outside and enjoying time with Gramma before she was going to head back home... I felt like we should get to the Birth Center. Things began to progress quickly within the next 15 minutes. Isaac, Kelsey, and I headed for Andaluz Water Birth Center while Sarah waited for Keziah (our awesome helper through out the past 5 months) to stay with Luke & Drew. Then once Keziah arrived to take care of the little ones at home, Gramma Sarah brought Austin and Megan to the Birth Center.
Meanwhile, as we were driving to the Birth Center I could tell things were slowing down for me. As is usually the case when I get in the car to go. But I was ready to take this on, so I had Isaac pull over a couple times so I could get out and squat and use gravity to keep things moving along. We even managed to stop at Burgerville for Isaac to have a quick Burger! Kelsey was our contractions timer. She loved it, it was exciting!
Once we got to Andaluz things started to speed up fast. We had enough time to settle in and get my "birth music" playing. I always have a playlist of songs for labor and delivery that I pray over the weeks before. I go through the lyrics and meditate on them. Since birth is such a spiritual experience for me it is only natural that I would have worship music to meditate on & help me focus on the Lord while I am "bringing forth man."
All of my births were amazing experiences, each one unique. This one I would characterize as blessed of the Lord of Mercy. The Almighty was gracious to me and had mercy on me. He heard the cries of my pregnancy & blessed me. He new the desire of my heart was to glorify Him in all things... in raising this child he choose me to mother and to glorify him in labor and delivery. That I would be able to pass on a strong legacy to my daughters and my son who were there. Kelsey and Megan were both in the room with us and got to participate in the labor and delivery. Austin was there for most of the time. He went out when I first got in the tub and then came in and met his new baby brother immediately after his birth. I can not tell you how special it was to have my daughters there with me. Megan (5 yrs) had her hand on my shoulder, Kelsey(10) still timing and offering homeopathy loved being a part of this. To have them singing and worshipping with me and witnessing the birth of Ethan was an experience I look back on with so much delight.
Raising hands to worship the Lord through a contraction, praying to the Lord when I came upon the self-denial stage, and experiencing all of this with my husband. He was my main coach. Isaac was a gentle but strong man during this birth. He got to be in the tub with me this time because I didn't have the desire to be on my knees. He came in and held me up so I could float. I am certain this added in relieving pain in my back, as well as speeding up the process of birth. Ethan descending so quickly and I can truthfully share it was one of the easiest births even though he was 9 lbs 1 oz. Isaac delivered Ethan... the first one he personally delivered and he did a great job. We enjoyed hanging out in the tub for about 40 minutes... just praying, and embarrassing the moment.
Ethan was born in a 1 hour and 45 minutes from the time we got to the Birth Center. His birth was the second fastest of all my births, but was the most enjoyable. After his birth the first thing I cried out was "The Lord had Mercy on your Mother!" I meant it. I was amazed... my back didn't hurt during the delivery at all. That was a new experience for me. In my mind it was my "perfect" birth. I praise God Almighty for his Strength, Nurturing, and Mercy.
I would like to share the lyrics to the song that Ethan was born to. Each of my children has birth songs. It is so special for me to remember their births when I hear these songs... it brings back the beautiful memories of these most spiritual times in a my life. In my mind, the birth experience is the only experience in a woman's life that can challenge her so deeply, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It affects the mind, body and soul in a way like no other. My heart has always been to purposefully dedicate this event in my life to Jesus and invite Him to be present and in charge.
Here are the Lyrics to a Song that means so much more to me now that it helped me stay focused on Christ during Transition.
"My Beloved"
by Kari Jobe
You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love
You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me
Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child
You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me
I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me
I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole
You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love
"Lord's Prayer Deliver Us"
by Selah
Our Father in Heaven hallowed be Thy name
Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heav`n
For Thine is the Kingdom
Thine is the Power and Glory forever
Forever amen.
Give us Lord give us
This day our daily bread
And forgive us forgive us Lord
Forgive us of our debt
For Thine is the Kingdom
Thine is the Power and the Glory forever
Forever amen amen.
Lead us from temptation lead us from
Temptation but Deliver us Deliver us
From evil to thy salvation
For thine is the Kingdom
Thine is the Power and the Glory forever amen.
Thine is the Kingdom Thine is the Power
And the glory forever forever Amen Amen
These songs along with many others on my "birth play list" were such a comfort and made labor & delivery easier and I was able to focus on God and experience His strength in my life as I sang and worshipped Him through the contractions. Sometimes just being quiet and not singing, but listening and focusing on the words helped me to totally surrender to Christ being in control of Ethan's birth. I believe that when a woman can surrender to the process for which God created their body to function, birth is much easier, not easy by any means, but easier and more delightful. If you go into childbirth with the anticipation of meeting God there, it can be exciting and you can walk away feeling empowered. Empowered knowing you were created for this good work.
I will share Ethan's Song on my next post!
I hope you are blessed by the music playing...
I tried to put some songs that were mentioned in these posts and that were included in my birth music play list.
Aug 18, 2010
He has a Name!
Proverbs 22:1
"A good name is more desirable than great riches, to be esteemed is far better than silver or gold."
Ethan: Hebrew, Meaning: Firmness, Steadfast in Truth
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose."
Creed: Latin, Meaning: Belief, Power in Faith
Matthew 8:10
"Truly I tell you, in no one in Israel have I found such faith."
(Also motivated by the "Apostles CREED")
We believe the Lord has known us all, His creation before we even came to be. In Psalm 139 the Lord "knows our words" before they are spoken, so of course He knows us by our Names as well.
Psalm 139
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
After much prayer, deliberation and getting know our new little guy... we are privileged the Lord has given us the task to honor Him in our naming Ethan Creed Tolpin.
Please pray with us that he comes to fulfill the core meanings of his name. That he would be firm in his walk with the Lord, Steadfast in Truth, that He would have Power in Faith! All to the Glory of the Kingdom of God. May you rise up son, to declare the Name of the Lord in strength, power & truth relying on the deep faith comes from knowing Christ personally!
Aug 7, 2010
Anticipation
"How do you feel Angie?"
"Anything???"
Having giving birth naturally 5 times already, I can say that you don't just "become a pro" like some may think (or say). The anticipation still gets to you a bit... you still have moments of doubt... maybe even moments of fear, but those can all be overcome through Christ who gives us strength. When I was pregnant with my first born, I wanted to be educated so Isaac and I attended prebirth classes, I read as many books on pregnancy and childbirth I could find. To my dismay, I only found 1 good book ("The Christian Woman's Guide to Childbirth" by Debra Evans) that had a strong solid Christian foundation when it came to natural childbirth. Now there are more resources and I have benefited from a few; however, Nothing prepares you more for childbirth than studying the scriptures on the topic. When I was pregnant with my fourth I decided to go through scripture and write out every verse that related to pregnancy or childbirth in the Bible. What the Lord showed me was far greater than what I could have read in any childbirth book.
Now, I am not in any way trying to knock the "Bradley Method" or any other great books out there on Childbirth... ("Ina May Guide to Childbirth" although I do have to warn people about the new age stuff in this book, "Gentle Birth Choices" by Barbara Harper- founder of Waterbirth International and my first midwife when I gave birth to Kelsey under water) all I am saying is in all the preparing we do as women do we get into scripture and rely on God completely? When you are packing your birthing bags and nesting getting every thing "just right" for the arrival of the new baby... do you prepare spiritually for one of the most spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally challenging experiences you will ever get the privilege of experiencing.... and prepare to invite the Lord of Lords into your experience?
I have to be honest, I have for many years hesitated in sharing these thoughts with women... not wanting to make people feel judged. I am sharing now b/c until this week I wasn't preparing like I had the other five times. I was distracted by nesting, activities with the other five children, business adventures with my husband, household projects, etc... the list could go on and on. So I began to get anxious last week, feeling unprepared. Not b/c I didn't have my bags packed, b/c I did. Not b/c I didn't read the childbirth books through again, b/c I did. But because I hadn't rested in the strength & peace that comes only from the Lord and being in HIs Word Deeply. For me, I have always given my birth experience to Jesus 100%... all of me. I bring worship music to keep my focus on Him and that He knows more pain than I. Keeping my perspective clear. I have family to be praying over me. I sing during and in between contractions, I pray, I cry out for God to help, He is my focus, the fact the He is giving me this gift of a child is the focus. I am not trying "sleep" through the contractions. I am not trying to have a "painless birth" b/c scripture says we will have pain. Instead I accept it, and I ask Him who is able to help me and give me strength to Glorify Him in those moments. And when I have self doubt... HE is the ONLY one that "brings forth man."
I have been so incredibly blessed to have the Holy Spirit present at every birth, whether in the Hospital or Birth Center, God is not to be put in a box.... he can be everywhere- anywhere! And he wants to be! I have always had the perspective and openness during my labor & delivery to let my light shine before men through the process. God has blessed it ten fold spiritually for me. Each of my children have a "birth song;" a song they were born too. I remember after my longest labor, Drew (my 4th), he was 9lb 7 oz big guy... 16 hours... and I was at 10 cm FOREVER... the nurses linked arms and started singing "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee, God of Glory, Lord of Might" which was the song that was playing when he was born. Who knows if they were Christians or not... they were moved. That birth was at Kaiser Permanente. They experienced God with us... in His Sovereignty & Mercy. I thank God He allowed me to be a light. One nurse had never seen a natural birth before and was so moved she came to see us everyday we were there (very out of the normal). My point is... it is so easy for us to waste our energies "nesting" or getting ready for the baby, but I we putting our energies in the right places. Are we preparing to have music and prayer, are we preparing for this to be an opportunity to witness or to mentor up our daughters (let them come), are preparing for an exciting journey of letting God be in control. Inviting Him to be present and helping you.
I am back, I am confident, not in myself, but in my God b/c He has never let me down. He has always shown up when I needed him most and blessed my marriage and my relationship with my children b/c I have given it to him.
Thank you Lord for allowing me the time I needed, even by going "over due," to get back with you, spiritually prepared for the adventure to come. I am not anxious, but confidant that the baby will come in your timing, which is always perfect, even when we don't understand why. And thank you for showing me why already and speaking to me through your word.
Amen
Aug 4, 2010
The 1st due date-
Jul 22, 2010
A Special Date with Megan
Megan is our middle child in the bunch; she is also directly in the middle of a bunch of boys. Most people would think, wow, she must be tough to be in the middle of so many boys. Many have asked "is she a Tom-Boy?" Nope- not my Megan. She is VERY Feminine! She is a little girly girl that loves to wear pink, dance with her big sister, cook in the kitchen with mommy, play the piano (which she loves doing 5-6 times a day--making her music up now- and its really good), and do any kind of craft or art.
I am very aware that being the middle of 5-6 kids she could possibly "fall through the cracks" and so I am purposefully pursuing bringing her up under my wing. I decided a couple weeks ago to reassign the buddy system to the kids. Megan gets to be the new baby's buddy!
She is SO excited and this is a way to make sure I spend more purposeful time with her like I did the others. This may be her last chance to see mommy give birth so she is excited to experience that with me, learn how to change a newborns diapers, help with baths, help keep him "happy" when he gets older, etc...
When Kelsey & Austin went to Art Camp 2 weeks ago, she was pretty upset she wasn't old enough to go... so one of the days we they were gone I took her on a date to the Ceramic Cafe. We had so much fun just talking and making Kelsey's birthday present together!Here she is painting a tea cup and saucer for her sister's 10th birthday.
Jul 7, 2010
Until We Meet Again Dearest Sono
July 4th at 8pm
One of the most amazing women I have had the privledge of knowing, went to spend eternity with Her Savior Jesus Christ.
The Family would like to invite everyone to come to Sono's Memorial Service:
Saturday, July 10, from 10:30am - noon.
Here are the details:
Good Shepherd Community Church
28986 Southeast Haley Rd.
Boring, OR 97009
503-663-5280
www.goodshepherdcc.org
Though I only knew Sono a short time, the impact she has made on my family will carry on for the cause of Christ into Eternity.
Sono is known to many around the world as the wife of Gregg Harris (speaker, author, pastor), the mother of Josh Harris (author, pastor, speaker), Joel Harris (musician for the Lord), Alex & Brett Harris (The Rebelution Boys, authors & speakers), Sarah Harris (performer in True Heart Productions), Isaac Harris (Speech & Debate Champ), & her youngest son James (who is ten years old, yet according to his father has shown amazing maturity and strength through these past few months).
There was so much more to this woman... she was gentle, quiet spirited... yet she was a womanof strength who lived on purpose. One purpose... to serve her Savior. How did she serve? I can not accurately list the ways, but one thing I am sure of, she served her King through her service to her to husband and children. They are a reflection of being well taken care of and nurtured, both physically, educationally, and especially spiritually.
Sono left a powerful legacy through her children, and also through the women she has inspired over the years through her books,speaking, and relationships.
Being a home schooling mother of seven and a pastor's wife is a privilege but also a huge responsibility, and I watched her do it with grace, never losing sight of the most important things... her relationship to Christ, being a help meet to her husband, and being a mother.
The thing I admire most about Sono is how steadfast she was. If I was weary or tired, she always encouraged and edified with scripture, prayer and song... and never in a judgemental way.
I knew, she knew how busy life can get with so many little ones... she had experienced it. She understood what it was like to be married to a man with a passion and vision that compelled to him to be constantly building and growing; and she offered bibilical wisdom in how to be the best kind of help meet for that kind of man. Sono was transparent and real... but strong!
On JoshHarris.com Josh quotes John Wooden-
"The best thing a man can do for his children is love their mother."
As a friend, Sono knew the important job we have as young mothers and did not ever try to consume time away from that purpose. She encouraged young mothers to put their best energies into their families, rather than other friendships and activities. I have learned that it is ok, not to be everything to everybody, and not to feel pressure from the world to try to be. My focus right now is my home and that is more than enough to keep me plenty busy. I finally have let go of all those extra expectations I used to put on myself, and I have to tell you, it has freed me up to delight in my children so much more. Sono taught me how to do that, not by telling me to, b/c that is so easy to do. We all know we need to delight in them and enjoy them b/c they grow up so fast. Instead she taught by her example, she did what she preached. She put the time in with her own kids, delighting in them along the way, and when they grew up she was ready to let them be adults. Sono laughed with my kids and I when she came to visit, she had such a joyful spirit. My children and I will greatly miss her.
I remember one time I was really down on myself... I was feeling like I wasn't getting "enough school" done with the kids b/c I was on semi bed rest. Instead of just saying, "oh you are going through a lot right now, you can't be expecting this from yourself, you need to just rest, why don't you put the kids in school," or something similar that you hear so often from the rest of the world. Instead, she understood the greater vision behind home schooling and had seen the benefits in her grown children... encouraging me with examples of times when she was ill or on bed rest and how God had something different for those kids to learn... other than science... they were learning selflessness and servant hood because it was necessary for them to help. Today, with the prosperity we have in America, kids are not learning work ethic, gratefulness, servant hood, selflessness, and how to delight in helping and having responsibilities. Today children are indulged, selfish, ungrateful, and spoiled rotten. She would tell me, "You can not teach a child to be a servant and never give them the opportunity to serve... no they need to develop the character quality of servant hood by doing it regularly." She encouraged me that what they were learning was something they can't teach in the classroom... character and love. She said my suffereing was not just for my learning but for my children and husbands learning as well. She opened my eyes to look for the good things I saw in my children through my incapabilites. And she was right, they were learning and serving. Recognizing that brought so much joy and peace to my soul. Sono was a kindred Spirit to me... we would often laugh at funny memories of similarities with our families. We grew close so quickly, then she was gone just as suddenly. I will especially miss seeing her worshiping the Lord on Sunday mornings with arms stretched out as wide as her tiny body would stretch. Sono sure knew how to worship, abandoned (wholly free from restraint) to God!
I am deeply, selfishly grieved that I won't see her again here, but rejoice that we will be reunited in Heaven with our Lord Jesus!
She through the integrity of her life has truly inspired me.
If I can raise my children to "do the hard things for Christ" with the gusto she has raised hers to, I will count myself blessed. Looking at the Fruit of her life... I see amazing fruit! I want to follow that example! Thank you Sono for blessing me with your friendship this past year, and setting the bar high, I respect you so much for that and I will miss you...
A Picture of Sono with her family... what a legacy!
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gates." Proverbs 31:25-31
If anyone would like to contribute to the Harris' family to help off set bills you can make tax deductible contributions at the Noble Institute.
Jul 4, 2010
Freedom Day
Today is a Holy Day!
(Hol-i-day)
"Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,
the people he chose for his inheritance."
Psalm 33:12
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit is, there is freedom."
2 Cor 3:17
Today is the celebration of our nation's Independence.
Thankfully I praise Him b/c our country was founded by strong men of faith
who by their personal sacrifices fought for a freedom and liberty
to live, worship, and work
with out a government dictating how to do those things.
We have the freedoms we have today because of godly men who rose up.
We need more godly men to rise up today.
Our freedoms are slowly being taken away...
when we don't use them they get taken away!
We are in a battle for not only our freedoms, but in a battle for the Lord's blessing.
The Lord blesses the nation who calls on Him.
There is only one true God!
He will not be mocked or fooled!
Our country has taken the blessings from the Lord and neglected to continue to teach the principles, morals, character and integrity that this great nation was founded on.
These generations don't have the knowledge of what today really stands for, and the real costs men paid for us. Teens are out "partying" exercising more freedoms than they should even be allowed... taking for granted that our countries prosperity came from God. He is Our freedom.
Let us believers come together in Prayer for our Leaders, for our country's future, for our country's pride... let us be challenged by the thought that our "prosperity" has killed our gratefulness.... and our ungratefulness as a country has produced laziness.
For us parents, lets pray for our children, as they are the next generation.
Pray that they would be a new generation of educated, appreciative, and humble men & women that First Love the Lord Jesus Christ and dedicate their lives to purposeful service whatever it may be.
We need to pray that God continues to have mercy on our sinful country. As a whole, we have "voted" him out of nearly everything... people have tried taking him out of schools, out of politics, out of medicine & science, out of the family & marriage, and so much more!
While we celebrate what he has done! Let us get on our knees asking Him to help us put Him back as Lord of our great nation!
Feb 25, 2010
Words of Comfort in Suffering
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.
Bring Joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul."
Psalm 86:1-4
"It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes..."
Psalm 119:71
From these scriptures I have gleaned that occasions of desperation prepare the way for the recognition of Christ Himself, for example, when
-the wine ran out at the party
-the disciples fished all night and caught nothing
-huge crowds had nothing to eat
-a great storm came, putting the disciples lives in danger
-a child died
-a dear friend was crippled
- a man was plagued with leprosy
In our weakness, Christ appears in His Mighty Strength and Power to conquer, fix, heal, and answer all the "problems" faced. Into each situation came Christ Jesus, bringing His Love, healing, His peace. He still comes to those who are weak and ask. He is El Shaddai, the God who is enough.
There are people out there who believe many different things about affliction, pain & suffering.
Some believe it is merely in your head and that the problem isn't real... assuming you are weak spiritually and so you suffer. Others will go as far as to say that there must be some terrible sin in your life and that you are being punished for it because bad things don't happened to good people. Yet others say everything happens for a reason.
I disagree with all of these points.
I do think some things happen for a reason... we do live in a world of sowing and reaping. There are consequences to our choices... good and bad. I also think that we live in a sin stained world... we have much sin that we deserve punishment for. Thankfully we have a Savior who paid that finally debt for us and that battle has been won. As Christians we live in the victory of the cross. We live in the freedom of what Christ died for. Does that mean we won't have pain or suffering? Of course not, the Bible prepares us for quite the contrary.
In Mark 13:17, Christ is preparing the disciples for end times... "How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers. Pray this will not happen in the winter..."
We have been in "end times" for 1900 years... since Christ ascended to Heaven.
"We know that the suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His Love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5:3-5
Romans 5:6
"You see just at the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly."
We are powerless without Him. How sad is the man who puts faith in himself and in the creation around us rather than the Creator.
One of my favorite verses through this time is, 1 Peter 4:12-19.
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at your painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His Glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of the glory and of God rests on you...
So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."
There is much scripture that talks about the woman having pain and suffering in childbirth. That is no surprise for me... I have been down this road before (5 times before). The pain has gotten much greater... I am also not surprised of that. I know in my heart that I have been obedient to God's call to accept His gift of another child. I believe He never gives us more than we can bare. I came very close to feeling like I couldn't bare the pain at times. But never did I regret allowing the Lord to do His work in creating another life in me. What an honor that He would entrust Isaac and I to raise another one of His Children. He closes women's wombs in different ways and at different seasons of life. It is amazing to me how he has been providing the strength! I am excited to watch how the Lord blesses us with this child. We have been persecuted by some for having a large family. Today's culture is not very gracious on this topic. It is humorous to me how perfect strangers and friends alike all think their opinion matters. When really we answer to only one God!
I believe there is a big plan for this baby's life. Every child has the potential to make change in a broken and corrupt world. I compelled to share with you how I was encouraged by doctors to abort. Not just this pregnancy, but 2 others as well. I can not imagine what my life would be like without my dear Austin, Luke or this baby. If I were a women who had no faith and trusted doctors alone and took every word as if it were truth and gospel... they would not be here. I am sure anyone who knows my children would be shocked to know why and how many times we have been persecuted for trusting the Lord in faith and moving forward without a flinch. Even family members think we are crazy... some say so... others keep it to themselves, but you can see it in their attitudes and comments they say about the consumption of big families and so forth.
Yet none of them would ever say you shouldn't have had that one. They are all treasured and loved.
After feeling very persecuted and run down physically, spiritually and emotionally. An older, more wise lady in our congregation rebuked me when I said I have been persecuted. She educated me and I feel compelled to share this wisdom with you.
After being questioned by a fellow believer if it was really worth this child's life... I felt very hurt and shocked that someone that I knew to be pro-life and such a strong believer would say this.
I called it persecution as I vented. She reminded me gently that persecution only comes from enemies... fellow Christians aren't typically enemies... they are allies/ on the same team. She went on to explain what had happened as "friendly fire."
During the Persian Gulf war tragedy struck American families as many of our soldiers were killed because of our mistakes... we killed our own troops by accident. They had clouded vision and made massive mistakes that cost many lives of team members.
What I was experiencing was friendly fire. There was some form of clouded vision, either by emotions and concern or by worldly ideas, or both. The reality of this gave me a clearer perspective and helped me to forgive the pain caused and the words spoken. It wasn't there fault entirely... clouded vision causes people to make mistakes to team members.
I believe all these things to be confirmation that having this child is totally ordained... why else would I be experiencing so much opposition? Satan doesn't want strong followers of Christ to be having babies and raising them up to be spiritual warriors for the Lord. He has been doing all he can to discourage me and tempt me when I am at my weakest. Sharing this with you is my way of claiming he has no power over me or this situation, or my pain, or my circumstances. Satan has no power here. I am going to fight and keep running the
race. With the Lord being my only source of strength and experiencing the blessing of many well trained children (which took a lot of work I might add... it is not luck), we will get through this trial and do it glorifying Him all the way.
Dec 7, 2009
The Gift of Giving
It is the true story about a gentle man's heart for God and how out of love for the Lord he would secretly slip money into poor families homes so their daughters could have a dowry and get married. After reading to the children about who he was and what he did for the people in his community, we were inspired. Not because he was Santa Clause, though some called him that, but because out of a love for the Lord he was spurred on to do good things for people in need. If there is ever a time to do that it is a Christmas. During a season that the worldly culture bombards people into spending... and getting, we should focus on giving in ways that really count or make a difference. Like buying a goat for a family in Africa or paying for a child to go to school for a year through Gospel for Asia, or paying for a new translation of the Bible to be made available in countries that don't have the Word of God of very little of it. To do this all the time, all year is truly a blessing to ones soul. It needs to become part of who we are and I want it to be a part of who my children are when they grow up... for so they have deeds but so their hearts are owned by God. The Bible teaches that a man can not have 2 masters. We can not love money and God at the same time. They best way to not "love" money is to give it away, not to whom ever, but for the Glory of God. My hope and one of motivations behind obeying in this way is that there will be a Legacy of Giving in my children's hearts. That as they grow up remembering how we as a family take a certain sum of money and praying and discussing how it should be used to help others, and then doing it, it will become their habit... which is formed by a transformed heart that is owned by one Master!Jesus is the reason for the season. So let us give in the name of Jesus!
So here are some practical ideas and resources we have done over the years.
Gift Giving Catalogs:
World Vision
SIM
Gospel for Asia
Voice of the Martyrs has Sudan Action Packs this year. you can go shopping with your kids to buy the certain items on the list for other kids and ship it to VOM and they deliver them to Sudan children. We are doing this for the first time this year.
Another obvious idea is to find out if there is a family in need at your church and anonymously donate money through the church for them or send it in the mail. (Safeway gift cards are a great idea for people you don't know as well, but know they need food)
There are lots of refugee/ missions in cities all across North America... donating to them either financially or through serving is really impactful. We have done Project Angel Tree (a ministry to prisoners and their children), Operation Christmas Child, Youth Guidance Association in the past. All great experiences!
Another local idea is the Pregnancy Resource Center or sponsoring a room at My Father's House (either with another family or as a family)... you can furnish a room, and provide the basics for a room to help get a mother back on her feet. You get to be as involved in their lives as you want and they will allow you to be. This is a huge evangelistic opportunity. We had talked about it last year and need to do it. This is motivating me just writing this! Woo Hoo! Praise God!
I really want to wncourage you because our family has been so blessed during Christmas when the focus is not on us or the selfish desire to get more "stuff." it is great to listen to all the kids, of all ages, come up with ideas of what they want money to go towards. My goal is to encorporate more serving during the holidays as my children get older, but I would love your ideas on what to do that is out in the world, but safe with young kids.
Well these are just a few ideas... remember to go check out Kristi here to see what she is doing this year with Advent and her Jesus Stocking!
I would really enjoy to hear your ideas of things you have done or want to do!
May we a Be a Blessing because we have been so Blessed!
Nov 13, 2009
Population Crisis Continued...
There are two sides to every story aren't there? On one side, there are those who believe our world is in a state of crisis b/c there are too many people consuming and adding to the problems of the breaking down of the ozone. These people look at numbers of people currently alive and compare them to numbers of people who lived in past decades and centuries. Based upon those truthful numbers they come to the conclusion that there are more people alive know than ever and that the earth is over populated, etc....
Then there is the other side of the story...
It is the theory that we as a human race are headed for a Demographic Winter (a decline of the human family).
It is also based upon truthful numbers. They too look at how many people lived in past decades and centuries... however, they also look at the way families operated in those times and how many children they had (their fertility rates)... which in cause lead us to the numbers of people we have in the world today. Then they look at the numbers of people we have today and the fertility rate of today (which is drastically declined mainly due to the decay of the family). Just as the fertility rate of centuries past lead us to the future we are currently living in... so to will the fertility rate of today lead us to the future population numbers for the human race in our future (year 2050).
Last spring we order the video Demographic Winter.
It is a non-religious documentary which interviews demographers from all over the world on their views of the population crisis at hand. I would highly recommend it if this is a topic of interest. I found it a bit redundant and a little dry (they are interviewing Demographers... not entertainers), but very educational and eye opening.
Here are a few mind provoking quotes:
"Never in History, have you ever had economic growth with demographic decline."
"We have had 40 years of Social sciences... clearly the deterioration of marriage and the encouragement of sexual interactions outside of marriage are not good for children or marriage... the best way to change this is by strengthening the family."
Demographer Philip Longman, author of "The Empty Cradle: How Falling Birthrates threaten World Prosperity" observes, "The ongoing global decline in human birthrates is the single most powerful force affecting the fate of the nations and the future of society in the 21st century."
Birthrates have declined 50% in the last 30 years (since 1979- the year I was born). There are now 59 nations with 44% of the world's population, with below replacement fertility." Meaning we are not even replenishing! Makes sense doesn't with the average number of children per household being 1.4 children in Western Society. It takes 2 to make a baby... and they are only having one. My Bible says be fruit full and multiply. I am not going to say everyone needs to have a certain number of babies... I don't see a number in the bible. However, I know what multiplication is. You have to have a larger number than one to have any kind of expontential growth. Logically... if a married couple has 2 kids, they are in fact replenishing the earth, right?
God did not just say to "be fruitful and replenish." No he said, "Be fruitful and multiply." To multiply would be clearly more than two... correct? I know this is hard to swallow. I am not trying to be accusatory or black and white here. I am just making a logical point to drive home the connection between what God clearly says in the Old Testament and this current population winter we are headed for and why.
The United Nations predicts that sometime within this century, the world's population will begin to decline. The UN Population Division says that "world-wide we could achieve a below-replacement fertility by 2030. At some point the decline will become rapid."
Russia is losing 3/4 of a million people a year. France is in an even more dramatic situation.
Question: If birth rates are declining why does the world's population continue to grow?
Answer: Today's population is due to two factors. 1) Higher fertility rates in the 50 and 60s. 2) More people living longer due to the medical advances
Truth: A nation's demographic future can be seen in it's current birthrate.
These are just a few facts and theories I learned from this video. Very interesting isn't it? So which side do we stand on? Do we allow the media and today's culture views of too many people in the world deter us from having more blessings, I mean babies? Do we just sit and watch the human race walk down the road of a future headed for extinction?
What do you think?
Nov 6, 2009
Population Crisis: Satan's Lie or Not?
From a Biblical perspective some say...but the Lord says to be fruitful and multiply. Increase in number and subdue the land! Have we really done this? What do you think? We are in a battle are we not? As Christians we are in a battle against Satan and his troops (which we in number 1/3 of all the angels). Do you think Satan wants the christian army to grow in number and conquer this earth? We are in a battle for souls are we not? He already has this country believing a lie that babies aren't really babies until a certain stage in pregnancy. Did you know that 1 in every 3 pregnancies gets aborted in the USA. We have been deceived. God created us all in His image... His likeness. He so dearly wants to know us all and for us to know Him deeply. How great the Father's Love for us (all of us created... even those who don't know him yet)! So here is the question based upon the fact that Satan doesn't want us christian to raise christian warriors who are going to make change in this world. Should we assume this lie is from him? What is the truth? IS there a population problem? Or are humans living in an aging society that is going extinct?
I plan on covering this topic over the next few posts! Give me your thoughts?
Oct 31, 2009
Interview with an Occult Convert
Katie is a like minded servant of Christ who, along with a friend interviewed a woman named Sandi who had been a member of the occult for 29 years and came to know Jesus just 3 years ago (when the interview was done).
Her story of the reality that came from living in "The Brotherhood" is shocking at the least. Her perspective on Halloween & Harry Potter and the Christian Church are right on. Reading this article made me even more convinced of the convictions the Lord has placed on our hearts.
Thank you for sharing Ladies!
I hope and pray this reality rocks the Christian Church into repentance and starts to stand strong with the armor God gave it!
Here are a few highlights to tempt your pallet:
Sandi on her views of Christians celebrating Halloween:
Halloween is the occults second biggest "holiday"
Sandi: Un uh - I think it’s terrible. I don’t think it should even be in the church. And I don’t think, satanists do not celebrate Christmas, which is a Christian holiday, so why in the world are Christians celebrating halloween? Then they decided to call it Harvest time, Harvest festival, or Harvest anything you can choose, but all you’re doing is saying we’re still celebrating halloween. We don’t want the kids to be left out. Well, I guess to shout - you should let the kids be left out. Because it’s evil; it’s just evil. Oh, isn’t that a cute little bunny suit - well yeah, but you’re still dressing up for halloween. There’s just nothing good about it, in my opinion. I hate seeing Christians celebrate it. My niece in Guam and their family, they’re muslim. They don’t celebrate halloween, and they don’t celebrate Christmas. So why is the Christian world finding that so hard to not have halloween in their churches. Even if they call it another kind of party. Oh, we don’t want the kids to be left out. Well, teach them why they need to be left out. My niece doesn’t go to town and by her kids candy just to help her kids celebrate halloween. You teach them young and they grow up and they don’t want to celebrate either. So it isn’t, I don’t think it should even be mentioned. I’m completely against it. And they go out and go trick-or-treating. Or they go, we’ll just take them to the mall, it’s safe there. You’re still acting out somebody else’s holiday. No, that’s not the right question to ask me, because I get on my soap box, because I don’t think it should even be an alternative, as they call it. It’s wrong.
Katie: Do you think Christians contribute to the work of the enemy when we celebrate?
Sandi: Well, of course! Then evil just sits back and says ha-ha! I got them half way there.
Katie: They don’t have to work as hard?
Sandi: No. Like some people who are just on the fence, it doesn’t matter one way or the other, he leaves them alone. They say we don’t have no trouble with satan, or lucifer, we don’t have no trouble with him. Well of course not, you’re not doing anything to get in trouble. It’s getting in trouble that means you’re doing something right, because you’re at least standing for your own principals. If you’re a Christian, stay there, don’t just go back and forth. And people don’t even realize they are, but they do, because they want to please - don’t want to make any waves. You better be making pretty big ones, on halloween - that’s a soar subject for me, I just can’t - I’m sorry, but I can’t see why a church would even consider it, even an alternative party. You want a part for your kids do it some other time, there’s lots of other days. Pull the kids together and just say lets get together this weekend. Like Friday night at the church Hall or whatever you call it, just for fun, just to be together. But not for an alternative for halloween. No. Shouldn’t even be there, but that’s my option.
To Read the Rest of the interview click here
Interview with Sandi. September 10, 2005
Background
Katie: How long where you involved in The Brotherhood (the occult)?
Sandi: 29 years.
Katie: How did you first get involved?
Sandi: I first got involved, my two friends and myself, we were in Seattle and our van broke down. We were hippies. Our van broke down so we couldn’t go to California. We all got colds because we were living in the van, and we’d hang out in the streets, and they said you need to get out of the weather. Come to our house. So ok - that’s cool. So off we went. I knew things were strange on the wall, but it was kinda the hippy age. It was like everyone kinda did their own thing. That must have been whatever they were in to - whatever it was. Not even realizing it was a spiritual thing, because I wasn’t raised in church either, I didn’t have any comparison. And so we got well, and wanted to go back to our van, but it was like - no just stay here, it’s good. So we just stayed on, and eventually just got to became part of the household. Then you got to go to the basement, and see what was going on. And that was like, whoa… from there on.
Katie: So there were quite a few people living in that house?
Sandi: About 22.
Ruth: What was going on in the basement?
Sandi: Well before you were accepted you couldn’t go to the basement. You could live there but you couldn’t go to parts of the house, and the basement was one of them. So, of course you wanted to get involved with everything. That place became home to me. Which was interesting, but it became home to me, and didn’t really want to leave. It was like I was totally accepted there. And that was more than I had before. So it was easy to stay.
Katie: And your two other friends stayed?
Sandi: They stayed too. So then there was a 5 year orientation. If you made the 5 years, then you’re well on your way.
Katie: Where they pretty clear with you, once you were living there, this is what we do, and we want you to be a part of it?
Sandi: That’s in the years when they were recruiting. Which they don’t do so much anymore.
Katie: Do they have enough volunteers now?
Sandi: Everything has been in place since about the 70s. Middle 70s. So they haven’t had to recruit. I mean - they’ve got local covens, where people at least you go home at night, but this was a live in, called The Brotherhood and they don’t recruit. Everything’s in place and has been.
Ruth: In place, meaning, they had for the goals they had set?
Sandi: Right, like they had police - people in the police department. They had people in the telephone department. in place. Attorneys, doctors - they had people in place in all these higher places in the government.
Katie: So they could get away with different things?
Sandi: So they could cover up for other things.
Katie: So would a lot of those people that were in the government and police - would they be living in that same house?
Sandi: Not necessarily but a lot of times, yes.
Ruth: So then having people in the police department. remember you were telling me about what would happen to the missing children?
Sandi: They wouldn’t be hunted for. They were used for sacrifices. Even though when they get caught doing something, they always say - we never sacrifice. But they do.
Ruth: What is the sacrifice stuff, not necessarily the details?
Sandi: Depending on the holiday - if it’s an infant; if it’s a boy or girl; if it’s an adult; boys between 10-15; or different sacrifice times is for a different category of persons.
Katie: How many a year on average?
Sandi: There’s several.
Katie: Consistent?
Sandi: Yeah, just like on the calendar.
Ruth: Would those kind of things go on in the basement then?
Sandi: Yes.
Katie: When someone was sacrificed, would the police in the cult help cover, because those people are gone?
Sandi: They’re gone, they don’t have a funeral, they’re just disposed of.
Katie: So as far as the government knows, they’re still living? Nothing is reported?
Sandi: They’re not reported missing so no one’s looking. Or if they’re looking they don’t know where to look. The child never comes home, or the adult off the street, nobody was missing him. But you could also sign up, for the appropriate age of sacrifice.
Ruth: Did you do that?
Sandi: Many times. I just didn’t get chosen. That was my biggest defeat, I think. I thought then, not now. I felt really rejected, because I wanted to give the ultimate.
Katie: Do you know why you weren’t chosen?
Sandi: No.
Katie: God’s hand, of course.
Katie: What was your main purpose or goals in The Brotherhood (the occult)?
Sandi: My goals were survival, loyalty, faithfulness, zeal. Oh, I wanted it all. Oh, I just dived into it. I had a purpose now and I wanted to go with it. I never thought about it being wrong. I just thought of it as being a religion. Another choice.
Katie: So did you view Christianity and some of the other religions as similar to what you were involved in?
Sandi: No, Christianity was a weak religion. For wimps and crybabies and crippled.
Katie: And then The Brotherhood was for the strong?
Sandi: Yes, for the strong, if you didn’t survive as a strong person there, you didn’t make it. My two friends didn’t make it.
Katie: So was that the 5 year initiation time where you have to prove yourself?
Sandi: Yes, the orientation, and they didn’t make it.
Ruth: Meaning?
Sandi: They died.
Ruth: In those 5 years?
Sandi: (nods yes) See, like when I started, they started out with 10 people and they counted us off, and I was nine. Nine means green, so my new name was Jade. So everyone gets a color and a name that goes with it. And when the 5 years was up there were only 3 left, and I was one of them.
Katie: And the rest were all killed or sacrificed?
Sandi: No, mostly just done away with. They weren’t even sacrifice quality because they had too many flaws.
Ruth: At the time, do you remember feeling sad that your friends died or were you just too loyal to the group?
Sandi: When he died - John died - it was like, it was nothing. But when Roberta died, it was like if I get out of here, I’m going to call the police. But then, by the time another year went by and my 5 years was up, then I never thought about it. And I was so loyal. That thought was gone.
Katie: What are some of the realities of life in The Brotherhood (the occult)? Or what was a typical day like for you?
Sandi: Well, you just get up and do your job. Everybody had a job besides living in the house, having a job to do.
Katie: Not a job for The Brotherhood, but a normal job you would go to?
Sandi: Well, most were fairly normal jobs, I was a psychic, so I don’t know if you consider that to be a normal job, but it was were I went every day. Read cards, the typical thing, so we brought money into the house. They kept 90%, and we got 10% for spending.
Katie: So where did that 90% go?
Sandi: We don’t ask, and don’t care. It just absorbs up in the house.
Katie: Would you all get together in the evenings?
Sandi: Yeah, just like a household would do.
Katie: So you wouldn’t have sacrifices or rituals every night?
Sandi: No, like once a month, twice a month maybe, depending on what the calendar said. Just like we just passed Sept 7, last Wednesday, and that’s like when they do the bride for satan for the year.
Katie: What is that all about?
Sandi: You become satan’s bride; it’s a pretty important place to be. Things like that, so there’s a lot of that kinda stuff through the year.
Ruth: Did you ever get chosen for that?
Sandi: Yes. I did.
Ruth: Is that kinda a one time thing or can you get chosen year after year?
Sandi: No, it’s once, and it’s forever.
Ruth: And what kind of thing do they do to celebrate that?
Sandi: It’s like a wedding, a ritual like that. You wear a wedding dress. But you’re always a bride once you’re chosen. There’s a big collection of brides. But it gives you a lot of privileges, like when you die and go to hell, you have your own room. And my prophecy was to sleep without dreams. That was the ultimate to me. I’d have my little room, and that was going to be what hell was gonna be for me, a privilege.
Katie: So it would be a benefit to not have dreams.
Sandi: Apparently, I never thought about it all these years, until I became a Christian. Nights were terrible. Nightmares, and horror things, to sleep without dreams would be such a gift. And I never thought about because it was so normal all the time. Awful sleeps. And so, didn’t anybody notice, I didn’t even notice myself - sleep without dreams? Like where am I living, that I’d be so awake a night with such horrible stuff. Never even crossed my mind. And even to become a Christian, I thought I still was going to hell. But they said why do you want to go to hell, I said so I could sleep without dreams. And I still wanted to go, but I didn’t know what it really was. But now I know! One time, someone came to my apartment, knocked on the door, said would you like to go to Heaven? I said hell no! Slammed the door. Pretty soon, knock, knock, knock, again, are you sure? I’m positive! I slammed the door. I mean - I was positive. Why would I want to go to Heaven for all those wimpy Christians. So even to become a Christian, I’m Christian now, almost 3 years. I can’t even believe how I thought. But then I see wimpy Christians and that still sticks in my mind. Crybabies. And I think, get a grip. If you got the strongest thing, if what is living in you is stronger than lucifer, then what’s your problem? It’s just took a long time to get it. And I still don’t get it but I’ve accepted it in the Christian world.
Ruth: Accepted what, the wimpiness?
Sandi: Yes, because if you have a cause in something you believe in, and you believe that God, Jesus, has more power than lucifer, then there’s no question, why would you still come moping and crying off to church so someone can give you a hug. Got your weekly hug - go home, wait for next week - get another one. No, no, no, no, no. That’s not right. I’m accepting it but I’ll never believe that if you can’t have a better life than where I’ve come from, then I’m in trouble. But I learning to be more patient, and why, I don’t know, but it’s the right thing to do. I think satan’s kingdom is ruled by fear, and power, and a different kind of zeal, you got a cause I don’t care if its 20 years ahead you still have the same zeal when it comes to 20 years ahead looking forward to things. But Christians can hardly make it from week to week, crying over something. Because, apparently, some people can not believe who Jesus really is. The power that comes. He went to the cross and died for you and me, and Ruth. That’s a lot of power. To give us - so we can life in a better place. Now I think of hell and I think - oh my gosh, how could I have ever believed that. But I didn’t have any other choices and I liked it. To sleep without dreams. Now, I can go to Heaven and we can sing all day if we want. You know Jesus loves us so much that He sings over us, it says that right in the Bible, says He sings over us. He loves us so much he cares to watch after us. But we are living in a world so full of sin, and we get sidetracked and our humanness gets sidetracked. But aside from that we should be stronger. I should be stronger. Some Christians I know should be stronger. Otherwise, your at the same place 20 years from now, and I don’t choose to be at the same place I was even 3 years ago.
Halloween
Katie: Was halloween a big celebration, is that one of the biggest?
Sandi: It’s not the biggest, it’s the second biggest. The biggest is in the spring for two weeks. October, is very big, but it’s second.
Katie: What’s the significance of the spring?
Sandi: It’s just a different celebration time, for a different reason.
Ruth: It’s at the same time Easter is, isn’t it?
Sandi: It’s parallel to Easter, but it’s on the same, the last week of April, first week of May, no matter when Easter comes, sometimes Easter is close to it, and sometimes not. It’s what you would call parallel to it though.
Ruth: So when you see halloween stuff going on at church how do feel?
Sandi: Un uh - I think it’s terrible. I don’t think it should even be in the church. And I don’t think, satanists do not celebrate Christmas, which is a Christian holiday, so why in the world are Christians celebrating halloween? Then they decided to call it Harvest time, Harvest festival, or Harvest anything you can choose, but all you’re doing is saying we’re still celebrating halloween. We don’t want the kids to be left out. Well, I guess to shout - you should let the kids be left out. Because it’s evil; it’s just evil. Oh, isn’t that a cute little bunny suit - well yeah, but you’re still dressing up for halloween. There’s just nothing good about it, in my opinion. I hate seeing Christians celebrate it. My niece in Guam and their family, they’re muslim. They don’t celebrate halloween, and they don’t celebrate Christmas. So why is the Christian world finding that so hard to not have halloween in their churches. Even if they call it another kind of party. Oh, we don’t want the kids to be left out. Well, teach them why they need to be left out. My niece doesn’t go to town and by her kids candy just to help her kids celebrate halloween. You teach them young and they grow up and they don’t want to celebrate either. So it isn’t, I don’t think it should even be mentioned. I’m completely against it. And they go out and go trick-or-treating. Or they go, we’ll just take them to the mall, it’s safe there. You’re still acting out somebody else’s holiday. No, that’s not the right question to ask me, because I get on my soap box, because I don’t think it should even be an alternative, as they call it. It’s wrong.
Katie: Do you think Christians contribute to the work of the enemy when we celebrate?
Sandi: Well, of course! Then evil just sits back and says ha-ha! I got them half way there.
Katie: They don’t have to work as hard?
Sandi: No. Like some people who are just on the fence, it doesn’t matter one way or the other, he leaves them alone. They say we don’t have no trouble with satan, or lucifer, we don’t have no trouble with him. Well of course not, you’re not doing anything to get in trouble. It’s getting in trouble that means you’re doing something right, because you’re at least standing for your own principals. If you’re a Christian, stay there, don’t just go back and forth. And people don’t even realize they are, but they do, because they want to please - don’t want to make any waves. You better be making pretty big ones, on halloween - that’s a soar subject for me, I just can’t - I’m sorry, but I can’t see why a church would even consider it, even an alternative party. You want a part for your kids do it some other time, there’s lots of other days. Pull the kids together and just say lets get together this weekend. Like Friday night at the church Hall or whatever you call it, just for fun, just to be together. But not for an alternative for halloween. No. Shouldn’t even be there, but that’s my option.
Coming to Jesus
Katie: How did you come to Jesus?
Sandi: I came to Jesus - I moved up here, because I retired from my job. I was in Arizona. I came up here and I was staying with my foster brother’s daughter, for four months until I could get in this apartment. And because she went to church, after a month I decided - it was like - I better go out of courtesy. Cause I was living with someone who went to church, right. So that’s how I started going, October three years ago. And then the pastor of the church and his wife they just talking to me, asking me where I came from decided to help me.
Ruth: Didn’t you have a vision?
Sandi: When I left The Brotherhood, I left on a whim. We were in a regular meeting on a Friday night, like every other Friday night, and a light came down through the ceiling and it just came across the room like a number two pencil line, small light. But we kept our room dark only with candle light, and here come this light streaming down through the ceiling, down, down, down, and went right into my being, and right at the same time something spoke to me and said you’re leaving. And I was so afraid of it - I was afraid other people would hear it you know, but I heard it, you’re leaving. And that was in January, and three months later I was gone. I had to make a plan for myself, how am I going to do this? But it was so compelling to leave, that I couldn’t get it out of my mind. Terribly compelling. And so I saved up some money those three months, and I got a thing in the mail, my niece was getting married, in Park City, Utah, I was in Seattle, and they lived in Arizona, but they chose to get married in Park City, Utah, and so I was invited to the wedding. So I went. And I kept on going and I went to Arizona.
Ruth: So you didn’t take anything from your house?
Sandi: Just enough, looked like a weekend. And off I went, knowing I wasn’t coming back. So I got to Arizona on a Tuesday and Wednesday morning I went and applied for a job I saw in the paper, got the job and went to work on Monday. And I was there all those years until I came up here.
Ruth: So it was 12 years or so?
Sandi: Yeah.
Ruth: And you kinda spent those years not in The Brotherhood, but in a sense in limbo, and trying to stay away from them and not get caught, right?
Sandi: Yeah, and having a lot of problems with that of course. And then I thought well where do I find this light, it was so compelling, and so supernatural. So I thought, because I didn’t know what to call it, I called it the People of the Light. Where are these People of the Light? I went to some churches when I was in Arizona; they asked me did I go to church. Yeah, I went - well what was the name of it; and I told them and right then, sorry!
One minister asked me to come late and leave early so I wouldn’t talk to nobody. Told me to talk to nobody because he didn’t want me to infect his crowd. But he didn’t feel he could kick me out. Others were blatant enough to say, I’m sorry but we can’t deal with you here. So I was still all this time I was looking for the People of the Light, but I was also working an awful lot, so it wasn’t like continual, like I had time for it all the time, but all through the time I was in Arizona, I got rejected basically. So I still expected it, but still wondered where it was. So then I was at this church, oh I don’t know, a few weeks and asked the pastor are you the people of the Light? And he said yes! And it’s like he didn’t even ask me what in the world are you talking about or anything. He just said yes. So I’ve kinda been there ever since.
Ruth: And it wasn’t too long after that, that you asked Jesus in your heart, right?
Sandi: It wasn’t long after that. I can’t remember now. It’s been a hard row to hoe, but it’s been worth it.
Katie: How has your life changed since you met Jesus?
Sandi: More peaceful, cleaned up, made a home, got friends, a value, well - it’s just a whole new lifestyle. It’s - I mean - look, I keep the lights on and the window open, and the curtains open, and it’s just whole different, everything about it. My life is different.
Harry Potter
Katie: What’s your opinion on Harry Potter?
Sandi: Oh, forget Harry Potter. My opinion is, they should have never wrote it. They should never have these movies, and satan’s just lov’in it. Anything from that part of the world. It’s been awful, because it really attacks kids - you know, young, young teens and pre-teens. It’s just awful! I just can’t image in happening but it sure did. I don’t think Christians should let their kids read it but. It’s too full of curses and séances, and things that are different than we should be doing and certainly shouldn’t be messing with.
Katie: Why do you think the books and movies are so popular?
Sandi: Cause it attracts kids - for one thing, it’s got kids in it their own age, so that it’s attractive to start out with. And then they are really introducing another spiritual life out there, that - sad to say, should never happen. But it did, and it went off like wildfire. And even in the church! No, no, no.
Ruth: Are they praying in The Brotherhood, that our thinking would be clouded?
Sandi: Oh yeah! They could get a whole generation that way without any effort.
Ruth: So if they can pray and see a book like this make kids think, oh - that’s ok, then they could just make it so the kids won’t see clearly the distinction between good and evil like in Malachi 3.
Sandi: Right, it’s just a story, but they don’t realize the spirit that gets into their little selves. And each book and each movie, has more intenseness to it, so it sneaks up on them, and they don’t even realize it. I heard one lady on TV say, Oh I’m glad my kids are reading these books, because I couldn’t get them to read anything. But they’re reading those books alone; I mean they’re 900 page books. They’re huge for kids, but boy - they’re soaking them up. And I thought, oh, it’s just Satan’s tricks. I don’t agree with it.
Ruth: And those curses they say in them are they for real?
Sandi: They’re for real; they all have some reality to them. And just enough so the kids go home and start doing it themselves and all you’re doing is inviting demon activity into your own life. And then when the kids get a few years older, the parents wonder, what happen to their kids. Without even realizing they bought them the book. Not even thinking. No, no this is for kids. My nephew, for instance he was 10 then, 5th grade when some of those books were coming out, and his mom wanted to buy him one. Oh, no mom, I don’t want no Harry Potter book. He just did that on his own. No, no, I don’t want no Harry Potter book. She bought it anyway; thinking he would read it any way. No, he wouldn’t have nothing to do with it. So she started reading it. And so he was all upset just to have that book in the house. So he comes home from school one day just all upset, because his teacher would read a chapter a day out of a book. Then the book ran out and so then got a new one to start it, and what was it - Harry Potter. In his classroom, he couldn’t get away from it. He was devastated, that boy. And nobody told him to not like that book, maybe the Holy Spirit spoke to him, because he lives in a muslim home. So his mom did finally get rid of the book. She said I can’t imagine it upset him so much, but if it does, she honored that much. She just thought she was doing him a favor - all the kids are readying Harry Potter. Because he was all in to pokemon too. And so she thought, this is great. But then the kid didn’t want it, bless his heart. Because they’re not being brought up Christian. They go to their friends’ house, that are Catholic, and their cross on the wall with a body on it, and he says, who’s that? And his mom says, that’s Jesus. Then they went in the bedroom to look at something, and look there’s another one, and he said mom, who’s that? She says, I told you that’s Jesus. No mom, he’s in the other room. He’s just trying to sort out. But he has a hunger, really for Christianity, but he just doesn’t know it yet. The Holy Spirit can speak to kids even when you can’t be there to talk to them, and that’s our job, I think. To help kids out - when prayer is helping them out. Your neighbors or whoever you know that’s influenced by that stuff, prayer will work. Cause it sure worked with my nephew.
Ruth: When we were in Japan as missionaries, you were in Japan too? But we were working on the opposite sides, huh?
Sandi: Yeah.
Katie: What were you doing there?
Sandi: Teaching people about demons, personalities of demons and what demons would be good for them. I think I had a bigger congregation.
Katie: So, pokemon was really big in Japan at that time too, right?
Sandi: Yeah, cause that’s where it started from. I know my my pastor and his wife said, you were in Japan too?
Ruth: We were talking that one time that while we were praying that kids would hate it, you were praying that it would…..
Sandi: ……take off like wildfire. So, when pokemon kinda wore down they put on a second pokemon - more characters, but that didn’t go over as well. It just kinda fizzled out, and pretty soon Harry Potter showed up. Oh, well, if they don’t want cartoony things maybe they want reality. So we got these cute little kids in there, and right their ages, and yep that sure took off. satan is subtle. I mean the church world all knows that, but he’s sneaking and subtle. And he never tires. He never gets tired of doing anything. We shouldn’t be surprised. If he can get your kids he’s got a whole generation.
Katie: Was the Harry Potter book anything you prayed for in The Brotherhood or would you strive for different thing like that?
Sandi: Different thing like that yes, but not knowing it was going to be Harry Potter. But it was sort of exciting when it did happen. It was like, whoa, this is perfect. And that kind of thing.
Katie: So right when Harry Potter came out, you said……..
Sandi: ……oh, this is an answer to prayer, just like Christians would say about things. Oh, this is great, and thank lucifer all over again. It’s just church turned around. Except the loyalty isn’t the same.
Ruth: Christians aren’t as loyal?
Sandi: Not the ones I’ve seen. I’m sure there are some - very loyal Christians, but I haven’t run across them in that respect. That’s pretty hard to say in case someone’s listening.
Katie: We kinda talked about this a little already, but the spell and curses in the books, are you familiar with them?
Sandi: Spells and curses in the book? No, I didn’t read the book. But, I just skimmed through it. But anytime you can put spells and curses on anyone it’s like to your benefit. It’s sort of like, the zeal, it’s like you’re doing what you’re suppose to do.
Katie: By putting spells and curses on people?
Sandi: Yes. Like, they had me - could you believe - work at the local hospital. I got hired to work in the nursery. When the babies are delivered I was the one who took them to the nursery, and cleaned them up. Oh, I was pleased. So I could curse these babies. Put hardships on them, you know curse them. Clean them all up give them back to their moms. It’s awful! I’ve had to repent a lot. But when it was your job and you were full of zeal - you just did it. I mean, it could have been the other way around if you were Christian, but blessings on the little babies instead of curses. Then the baby goes home he’s cranking and fussing and nobody knows how to handle them, they get tired of them, and shake them, slap them, baby gets worse - I mean it upset the whole household. And that was there purpose. But they never tire of curses. It’s like you go out at night, and you, take a map - like this was a map of Lynden, and you cut it into pieces and everybody would get a chunk, and that was your responsibility. You can go every night, to part of that - you know, and go down the allies and main streets and where ever and curse every single house. And you’d get up in the morning all grumping and ugly - go to work all nasty; it ruins your whole day, and you wonder what happen. So Christians should get up in the morning and say Lord, here I am help me if anything happened in the night take it away. Because it’s happening; believe me. It’s happening at your house and your house. When your turn comes and they come out every night. They might be in a different part of your street or a couple blocks over, but they’re out there. Faithful, that’s one of the things they love to do and are very faithful at. And they cover our nation that way. Absolutely.
Katie: Did you do some of that too?
Sandi: Oh, yeah, I loved doing it. It felt like you were doing something worth while.
Katie: So you would go out almost every night?
Sandi: Yeah, You were awake more in the night then you were in the day time. Go home and sleep a couple hours and go to your job. You come home from your job, sleep a couple hours and get up and go do the ritual stuff or whatever was going on. You know your whole world was turned different. All for the zeal for satanism. All the years I lived there - I never got tired of it. You just don’t. Somebody’s got you pumped up with zeal, you don’t tire. It’s just different.
Influence in our community – What can we do?
Katie: What are some other things or events in our culture today that the enemy is using?
Sandi: All our government have satanists in them. Even up here in the border, there’s some border patrol that belong to the group. They’re just everywhere. But you see that’s been established quite a while ago. Everybody’s in place. That’s the hard part.
Katie: So it’s mainly people that have been in there 20-30 years? Do they kinda train up other people to take their place?
Sandi: Yeah, eventually. You go up there and good old Joe say, hello how are you doing? And you’d never suspect him. But when you drive away you should say - tell the Lord to bless your car all over again. You just never know. There’s just ordinary people just like you and me. You never know what their doing.
Katie: So are their quite a bit in the police department?
Sandi: Yes, Attorneys, doctors, like I said before.
Katie: Interesting doctors, huh? They would perform surgery, but do they hope things don’t go well?
Sandi: Probably. Or decide this person isn’t worthwhile. Things like that. And then they have their own doctors, for when they have babies in the house or someone breaks their leg. Emergancies like that. They work out at a job, but they take care of their own. If a baby’s born there’s no birth certificate, if they’re sacrificial babies. Things like that. Nobody ever knows.
Katie: So if there is a pregnant woman in the group, would they know before hand that this was going to be a sacrificial baby or would they know if they want to keep the baby?
Sandi: If it’s a sacrificial baby - they know ahead of time.
Ruth: Because it was created for that purpose?
Sandi: Yeah. It was conceived for that reason.
Katie: What do you think is the biggest threat to The Brotherhood or the occult?
Sandi: The biggest threat? The only threat I can ever see being a threat is the Christian world or even just a group - just stand up and don’t take any more of their stuff. How do you do that? I don’t know. Not giving in to - how you feel like you think it’s your own thought, but it isn’t. Like when you’re cranking in the morning, and you think how come I’m so cranking this morning, I had a good sleep. And recognize where it could have come from. And start your day all over again. Say, Lord, help me today, I don’t feel right I think a curse came on me in the night. Otherwise it hangs on you all day, and you never accomplish much. Maybe with your job you did. But you’re just like dragging your feet all day, and the happiness is gone. You were robbed. If you could think of it as being robbed, then it may be more clear. Things like that. It’s the small subtle things that he gets the Christians with. If you can’t be productive then he’s happy.
Ruth: What can the church do?
Sandi: The church can recognize that, I guess. If the church could really recognized that and in their meetings talk about it a little more. And teach people how to or what to recognize, and what is just plain physical - you know, but recognize the spiritual things - what is spiritual attack. Because if you know when the Holy Spirit comes and speaks to you it’s very soft and gentle and you never forget it. You know - and nobody can talk you out of it. But when it comes to satanic attacks, you’re not sure what, you’re just like - oh, I just don’t feel right today, I’m kinda out of sync. Not realizing that a lot of that comes from satan.
Ruth: So you’re saying when there is that muddled feeling of not feeling right, that could be an indication of a spiritual attack?
Sandi: It could be very much so. Because of all that cursing in the night. Because even when we would get done at night when we gathered before we’d go to bed, we’d just put our maps together and do an over all thing, and just curse them in general. Because not all of them you could get to in one night. So you would just in general -just curse, curse, curse.
Ruth: So the cursing, you know how when we pray for people or bless them we lay our hands on them and pray for them. Is it just opposite of that?
Sandi: It’s exactly opposite. Except it’s for - well blessing you always think of something being happy or whatever, but cursing you automatically think it wrong and dark, and ones light.
Ruth: Did you use chants?
Sandi: A lot of times, and sometimes just verbal, just statements, like - just turned around from Christianity.
Katie: What kind of presence of The Brotherhood or occult is in Whatcom County?
Sandi: I’m not real familiar with it, but my friend is and she says it’s huge in Whatcom County. And in Skagit county and Whatcom County - it’s huge. She’s told me quite a few things over the passed few months. But I’m only going by what she knows.
Ruth: Is she a part of it?
Sandi: No, its Sue, She’s an expert here to help people out of the occult. So she knows and she says there’s a lot here.
Katie: Do you have a favorite passage of scripture?
Sandi: No, cause I don’t know that many, but the one I do know is John 3:16. “For God so loved the world”. And when I think of the world, I think of everyone who’s in it. Not, just good fine Christian people, but it indicates that He loves the world, everybody, every person. So that is comforting. Even in my state of horror, He loved me. He’s not holding any of if against me where I lived. And that was a real blessing, to know that God in Heaven could look past what I’ve done and where I’ve been, and I say I love you and I sing over you. Things like that. So He loved the world.
Katie: Did you have a concept of God when you were in The Brotherhood? Was God the enemy?
Sandi: God was the enemy.
Ruth: What about Jesus?
Sandi: The only thing I knew about Jesus was at our front door. And when you came in it, there was a big open space as big as this room, and there was a big circle painted on the floor. And they said that was Jesus’ blood, and to wipe your feet in the blood. It wasn’t blood, it was painted, but it signified that. And one time I said why? I didn’t understand why. And whoa - did I get in trouble. So I only asked once.
Katie: And they never told you why?
Sandi: Nope.
Ruth: Yeah, why Sandi, did you ever figure it out?
Sandi: Well, I know why now. It’s Jesus blood has a lot of power, and what they were doing is basically - it didn’t matter about wiping your feet on it - as you wanted to stomp out the power.
Ruth: Stomp out the power or steal the power?
Sandi: Stomp it out. Cause lucifer realizes, which I didn’t know then - the blood of Jesus Christ is stronger than anything he had, so they want to stomp it out, thinking they could do it. But I don’t think so now. But it seemed like the idea was right, to come up with that idea and thought it’d work. But as we know it doesn’t. But that’s how much they hate Jesus. Stomp out his power. And then when He died on the cross. We were taught He died on the cross - I mean He died. Everyone knows He died, but that He didn’t rise again. That He was dead. So that was a big surprise. Big surprise. So he does have more power than this world offers, He’s just kinder about it. He loves.
Katie: Where you kinda taught to hate?
Sandi: Oh yeah, I was a good hater.
Katie: But you loved your group?
Sandi: Oh, Loyal to the group.
Ruth: Loyal or did you love them?
Sandi: We didn’t use that word (love), just loyal to them, to the group as a whole. What our missions where and stuff. We didn’t care; we didn’t use the word love. I’ve heard it more up here the passed few years than I’ve heard it in my life.
Katie: Did you have any interaction with the Bible?
Sandi: If they got one they tore it up – see; we have more power. Tore it up and burned it. But I only saw that two or three times.
Ruth: Did they ever use parts of scripture and pray against it?
Sandi: No, I don’t remember it that way.
Ruth: You told me about waking up talking about lucifer, going to bed talking about lucifer.
Sandi: Yeah, we did, it’s such a devotion, it’s just your whole life. I was thinking when I became a Christian, I was gonna turn over and I was going to be the same way and all the people around me where gonna be the same way. Like that loyalty thing - where we couldn’t talk enough about God and Jesus and Heaven. This is all gonna change and it all turn around, and I was just gonna - boom, have that same loyalty, and that same – but, it’s not happened. I’m not sure about what happened, why it didn’t or was my expectation too much.
Ruth: Remember what you said, about coming back to church and people are still
Sandi: Whining - still wanting their same hug. That’s what I finally decided, that’s what it was all about. People have such lack in their own lives, that that two minute hug from people at church was all they needed. But instead of taking that same problem and stresses to God, they bring it back to church again to get that little hug. But they really needed to get a hug from Jesus. It would be more lasting, and more life giving. Sure people can hug us and it feels good, or has a reason, but it’s not the same as getting a hug from the Holy Spirit - then you know you’ve been hugged. It’s different, just different. Actually, I’m so disappointed because I’ve gotten really slack on my own self, I feel like I’m falling into the same behavior because that’s the behavior that’s expected. And I’m not happy about it at all.
Ruth: Yeah, there’s a difference about when you first came into Church.
Sandi: Oh, yeah, I wouldn’t miss a meeting, and now I think of reasons not to go. I wouldn’t miss nothing for nothing. I wanted to be right there in the front row. I wanted to absorb it all.
Ruth: And you’d get so frustrated when people were looking at their watches waiting for church to get over.
Sandi: I did, it was way different, now I’ve kinda slid into the same, because that’s expected. These Christians say that new Christians should all be put away for 6 months, then they end up acting like everybody else. And I’m really disappointed in myself. So I’ve kinda fallen into the same thing - my attitude anyway. I don’t care about the hugs. I wish it didn’t happen. And the Bible - you should see my bible, it’s so marked up I can’t get enough of that Bible. And I hope that never changes. Then I’m it trouble if that changes. So why do you want to go or why would a person want to go when it’s - or there’s nothing there. I say that to the wrong people I could be in trouble but that’s the way I feel about it. But just so I don’t get tired of the Bible.