"I Surrender All... Almost"

Last night I finally finished a book I had been, to be honest, avoiding the last few years. Let me
start this posting by saying upfront, that I know that many people will not agree with me or the author of this book. However, I feel like it is an issue that the Christian church of today has avoided as well as taken a back seat to even taking any stance on... at least within my adult lifetime. I am motivated to talk about it because I feel like for so long now, no one has been willing to go out on the limb and say honestly... it is because of my selfishness that I have not surrendered all to God.

When I think of how many times I have sang this hymn in my lifetime and how I have earnestly cried "I Surrender All"to the Lord, but then turned around and taken back control... I am sick to my stomach. As many of you know I am pregnant with my fifth child and I am 28 years old. I was married when I was 20 years old and had my first daughter when I was 21 years. Out of the 104 months I have been married, I have been pregnant 43 months and nursing 50 months. There have been only 9 months of my marriage thus far that I have not been pregnant or nursing. I can selfishly say, though I am excited to have another baby, I would like to have my body back. Anybody second that?

About 4 years ago I was leading a book study through "Lies Women Believe" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss (one of my all time favorite books). One of the lies was... "Do we have the right to determine the size of our family?" I had the hardest time with this issue. Though we had always left it up to God and never tried to prevent having children... I knew in the back of my mind there would come a day when I would have to make a choice and say no more or do what you will with me Lord, my body is at your service, I will surrender that part of myself to the further of your kingdom.

I am not going to lie...my pregnancies are not any cake walk. In fact quiet the contrary. I get really bad morning sickness every time. I am not talking about nausea although I have had that as well. I am talking full on vomiting between 4-14 times a day. Some of my pregnancies it has lasted the whole 9 months... even vomiting right after I deliver the baby. This time I had such a hard time with the vomiting I threw my back out... herniated bulging disk. I couldn't lift or bend for 11 weeks. Try taking care of a family of four kids 7 and under and helping your husband with his business... meanwhile still puking! So now that you have the whole gory picture, you could understand how it would be easy for me to say "I AM DONE!"


Still the issue in the back of my mind has been, but what does God ask of me? He has gotten me through it every time and He has made me a stronger woman through it all. Plus my life is not my own, I am bought by the blood of Jesus. Through Him All Things Are Possible! Is it following His will to be "DONE?" After thoroughly investigating different kinds of birth control and IUDs I am fully convinced they are not healthy for women, in addition to the abortions they cause. For example the function of the mini pill is not to suppress ovulation, instead the progestin (which is solely in the mini pill) causes the lining in the womb to become thin and shriveled, so when a "newly conceived baby" tries to implant in the womb, it can not because the endometrium is shriveled up. Now I know that a lot of people debate, when a baby is a baby, but it is pretty clear to me that when the sperm and egg are united, a baby is formed. it is not a dog, a chicken or anything else... it is a beautiful baby. The fact that the baby is created and then prematurely killed means it is aborted. I can not live with that thought.

Without going into detail about why the other methods do not work for me, I will say that the conclusion my husband and I have come to is... vasectomy. We have tried natural family planning by watching ovulation... but I have to say it is pretty difficult when you don't get your period for five and a half years because you keep getting pregnant while nursing. If you are interested in finding out more information on birth control and the harms it causes to your unborn children you can visit Eternal Perspective Ministries. On this website you can download Randy Alcorn's 5th revised addition of "Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions?"

Vasectomy... what a permanent decision! Not only that, but is it sinful? Is it against God's will to take life into our own hands? I am not saying it is sinful... I am just posing the question! What are the health consequences to my husband over the years? Are they going to find out in thirty years that the reason so many men need Viagra is because of the mass amount of men who have had vasectomies? Is that the natural consequence to our sin? What about birth control... is the overwhelming amount of women suffering from endometriousis, ovarian cancer and other reproductive diseases and issues like miscarriages because of the damage that birth control has been doing to our reproductive organs? These are all questions I have wondered about for years which were the main motivation for not using them. Now though I am not ready to say we are done having kids, but also overwhelmed by all these issues.

So I took on "the book." "Be Fruitful and Multiply" by Nancy Campbell. It is a book I had seen at the book store, skimmed through and put back in fear it would tell me that it is not right for me to "take this life creating" into my own hands. Well I finished it last night... I read for 3 hours... couldn't put it down. What wisdom, so much scripture. In fact so much scripture she lists extra verses for you to study on your own. i found myself bugging my husband all night... saying, "Isaac, listen to this..." I have gleaned so much for this woman and I can not recommend this book enough. I think that every women should read it. I think every grandma should read it... obviously not to change her past because that is impossible, but to be a support to the young women of this next generation.

Let me share a few nuggets of this book and my journey, but let me reiterate that I do not have all the answers, nor am I willing to say that to keep having children is God's calling on every ones life. I have recently edited this post because a great, dear friend of mine, whom I respect and love as a sister... has mentioned to me the pain she has in not being able to have more children. I should have mentioned this from the beginning, but there are obviously reasons for not having more children. Such as health issues. I am fully aware that women who have cesareans are limited on the amount of children they can have... generally speaking. Like I mention at the end of this post, and I want to reiterate, as women we are ultimately under our husbands and if they feel that we should not continue having children, then we are under their protection for a reason. I can personally thank God for the blessing I have in my husband and would respect and obey if he felt we were not suppose to continue having children.

These are some of the points I gleaned and was spurred on to think about while reading her book. I hope you can read this post with an open mind knowing my heart is not to offend or judge anyone for their personal choice in this matter. Rather I just want to recommend a book that has greatly challenged me spiritually in a very practical area in my life.

Many people get turned off by the Genesis Charge. They here the name Nancy Campbell or the verse "Be fruitful and Multiply" and think oh, they think it was God's command to have many children. They are that type of Christians... "they are extreme!" But let me tell you it is more than just scripture. It is a matter of the heart for me. I think to myself, I am willing to give God my soul, my life, my marriage, and to raise my kids up in him and in His Word. I claim His word is never changing. He is the same God yesterday, today and forever! How can I say "I surrender all, EXCEPT MY REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS. That I can't give you God, because frankly I don't trust you. I would have 18 kids if I kept going. That is what I am saying! If I take matters into my own hands... the truth of the fact is... the only reasons would be for selfish ones. If it is because it is too hard, I get too sick. Then I am being selfish because the truth is God never gives me more than I can handle, He always provides. I have experienced it time and time again. I can trust Him to take care of me. He loves me.

In the beginning of the Bible God does give His people the charge to be fruitful and multiply. Many people say that well that was just for Adam & Noah, we are over populated now. The earth can not handle more people. The reality is though that we have along way before the earth is "fully subdued" like God told us to do. In addition, the Bible doesn't contradict itself. It is unchanging! If God told them to subdue the earth, we are to do the same. If that wasn't the truth what would be the point of even reading the Old Testament. No, I believe we are to not only read it, but obey it. Learn from our ancestors mistakes and glean from their wisdom. I am disappointed to see though that many of the "larger" families in the old testament were not bore by one woman, but many in a concubine. Not all, but many! I know this is a whole can of worms in and of itself. So I am not going to go there now.

It is a known fact that the enemy is out to "kill, steal, and destroy." Do you think he wants godly parents to have godly offspring that are going to send out mighty warriors for the Lord. No way! He wants us all to believe the lies that our culture feed us. He wants us to give into our selfish desires and wants. He wants us to stop having kids because we want to afford fancy vacations to Disneyland and Hawaii. ( I am not knocking going to either of these places... I have been to both, but not at the cost of having more kids) Satan doesn't want us to send out more missionaries, pastors, evangelists, teachers, godly mothers and fathers. He wants our kind to die, to loose in this spiritual battle. Did you know that Americans are averaging 1.5 kids per family... and that most of those families are ending in divorce... and that out of the ones that are staying married there are even less that are actually enjoying their marriages and fruitfulness. What kind of legacy is that. No! As God's children we have to keep the Legacy alive! We have to bear much fruit! We have to have godly offspring to fight this spiritual battle.

These truths ring clear in my ear as I finished this book.

1. To have children is to lay up treasures in Heaven. We can not take anything on earth with us to heaven, but we will see our children when we raise godly offspring. Why not lay up more treasures in heaven.
2. To leave a legacy of godly offspring that will last for generations.
3. To bear children ensures your name continues... God wants us to pass on our name. That is the job of the son.
4. To bear and raise children that will change the destiny of our nation and the salvation of many for Christ. Build the Kingdom of Heaven takes foot soldiers!

A few quotes from Nancy's Book:

"Unless you are a Warrior, You can not train warriors! Unless you understand the battle, how can you have a vision to raise "arrows?"

"As long as we view children as a burden, we will not experience the victory of multi-generational faithfulness."

A few questions of mine she answered and spurred me on to investigate more in depth:

What is the history of birth control in today society? When did it become accepted by the church? Which church? Who was the woman who was the forerunner of this anti-child movement? Margaret Sanger... she had some very sick motivations for eliminating children. Population control! Anyone heard this term before. It is happening in other parts of the world right now. In France the don't even have enough children to replace the elderly. They are dying off! Did you know that America is headed down the same path? My eyes have seen the light. I can not go into detail because there is too much information. You just need to buy the book and your own research.

We are in a battle. We are part of God's army, His warriors. So many people say I don't want to have kids because I don't want to bring them into this evil world, but that is precisely why we should have children. We are adding sharp arrows to the warriors bag.

Convicting questions she asks:

• Why have we assimilated the anti-child philosophy of this world?
• What are our intrinsic motivations for not having more children? Are they selfish at the heart?
• Why do we think that the Genesis Charge doesn't include us?
• Is our world already to over populated?
• What are the consequences behind using birth control?
• What does the Bible say about children, heritage, fighting a spiritual battle for the Lord?
• What does the Bible really say about having children?

After reading this book and praying hard I feel as though I can honestly say, for me to stop having children (not you) would be selfish and selfishness is sinful. We all sin and fall short, I know but I now feel that I would be deliberately choosing to sin. Deliberately choosing to be selfish! Ultimately I am under my husband though and he and I need to continue praying about this together. So if you here about the Tolpin family twenty years down the road having over 18 kids... you know why! Just Kidding!

In all sincerity though, I pray you are challenged, not discouraged! My intentions with this post are to spur you on to deeper thinking and to recommend a book that I feel could transform our Christian culture all together. Even if you do not agree with her there is huge benefit and spiritual growth in reading the book and studying the scriptures!